I Don't Want to Be Strong: A Mother’s Journey

The Reality of Single Motherhood

I don’t want to be strong. I have to be.

Not because I want to be. But because I HAVE to be strong.

As a single mother raising one boy, my journey has been challenging. The father of my child has actively tried to tear me down for years. Not only do I NOT receive child support, but he is venomous with his words and treacherous in his actions. Every interaction leaves me with a deep, cutting wound.

The Impact on Children

Some men, in my experience, will take from the mother to gain power. But here’s the reality: when you take support of ANY kind from the mother, you rob her of time, care, and energy for her child. And guess who suffers? The child. A mother serves as the child's lifeline for many years. This crucial bond lasts until they reach puberty and transition into young adulthood. Everything stolen from her diminishes your children’s lives as well.

A male parent who behaves this way embodies the worst kind of abandonment. Emotional and energetic neglect occurs long before any physical departure. Energy leads, and then the attacks usually follow. As if it wasn’t enough to do it all alone, now she faces full-scale aggression with every encounter. She needs support and community.

Words from Wisdom

Once, a wise old woman told me, "At some point, Kristin, you have to save yourself."

Save yourself. Put YOUR mask on first. You cannot help anyone if you are drowning.

The Importance of Boundaries

Enter BOUNDARIES. Strong, firm boundaries. Mothers become stronger with time. They develop the ability to bear malicious attacks while moving forward. They protect themselves from actions and energy. Eventually, she stops crying and asking “why?” The “why” becomes irrelevant when you’re struggling to breathe.

Finding Strength in Femininity

My own mother gave me a magnet for my fridge a few years ago that reads, "Strong is the new pretty." I wore that hat long before that magnet came into my possession. Strong, badass, stuck up, mean, arrogant, cold—yes, that’s me. I've become this way to survive. That is my form of protection.

But... I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to have to be. Inside me resides an inner child: a forest nymph, a ballerina dancing with the flowers in the breeze, talking to animals. She embodies softness, love, and kindness toward all beings. She sees beauty in everyone and recognizes that darned potential. Huff. She truly is an Angel.

The Jaded Perspective

I always believed I was meant to assist others. I’ve seen good in people—always the potential. However, I am jaded now. Most people seem either to be perpetrators or have been traumatized by them. The state of the world feels bleak. It’s quite scary. Yet I believe we can pull out of this nosedive, guided by the leadership of wise mothers.

Reclaiming Joy

We can restore playfulness and joy on Earth. Our children are desperate for this joy. We embody pure love and joy as mothers—the birthers of the next generations. It is time for us to play more!

The Role of Men

What we need now are men who stand up to protect, provide, and preside. We can do it all, but we are not meant to.

As for me, I am embracing my soft, playful, loving heart. She is now quite protected and possesses unmatched discernment. She can see betrayal coming from a mile away. She reads others like an open book. She can traverse through the underworld unscathed and smiling. Her friendship with her demons allows her to bring joy into the depths of despair.

Embracing Wisdom

She is not a girl.

She is a wise woman.

I am a wise woman.

Are you?

In conclusion, the strength that emerges from a mother’s journey is not just a shield against adversity. It is an invitation to reclaim joy, playfulness, and love in our lives. As we navigate through struggles, let us remember that our real power lies in embracing both our strength and our femininity. Let us rise together as wise women and inspire one another, illuminating the path forward for ourselves and our children.